I Had A Soul
I cared.......I cared enough to risk everything I had several times.... I cared enough to run seventeen blocks to dry her tears... I cared enough to die for her. And thats what I did... I died. I am dead from the soul up. Heart? What heart? It was everything I suspected form the begining but neglected in the middle. How can you not hug-HUG!- the person you "Love more that anything in life" and havn't seen in four months? Your own boyfriend that you have hugged innumerable times? To be honest, I wasn't ready to end it. I still l*** her but she stopped l***ing me. Knives can't cut that fucking deep. It was pitty... she only said yes out of sheer pity. Evryday for four goddamn months she lied. "I L*** you soo much, *****." "I l*** you too, Jaycee." I am one of the people who thought l*** was nothing... never existed... never will. 'Till she came 'round. I knew... I fucking knew what it was. I had a soul... my eyes actually changed to a light colorful shade of brown. Now they are black... I swear to you, black. They look dialated. I knew it all along.... I have been right. I am supposed to die alone. I don't know how she feels, but there is no way in hell she can feel as bad as me. No way in hell. This may not make sense to a lot of you but reading it closley enough you understand. My hands.... my palms were hot... I reached out to hold her hands.... she rejected them. I can't feel the blood dripping off of my wrist. Knives.....knives can't cut that fucking deep. I am a shattered horrible wasted exuse for a fucking human. No one can imagine how I feel.... how wrong it felt after it was done. I'm sick.. sick and wrong. But the future comes one day at a time. Nothingness has replaced my spirit... where it onced thrived. Thank you Jaycee...... now I understand.
Fresh Prince Of Persia
FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH! Four months!! Four fucking months of swinging on poles and falling in to obismal pits!! FInally..... I have suceeded to free... the Warrior Within. Yeah motha fuckas! This nigga has finally defeated Prince of Persia (aka Fresh Prince of Persia for Erick) Warrior Within. I tottally recomend everyone to play that game if you already havn't, its not too violent and it mostly is putting ones logic to the test. Its fucking sick! And I am usually not into those kind of games, am a racing guy but Prince of Persia is the shit and I have slain the Empress of time while in the present, so setting the Dahaka to take her corpse, the sands, and the amulet, thus preventing the creaton of the sands in the past... Score!! score!! score!! B00 Y@!!! Now I am to defeat it in HARD mode.
Just Sex
This school is the single fucking wierdest thing that has been going on since I moved here. The chicks mainly. There are breast-size competitions, flashings, touching, but no sex. At my old school it was sex none of this other shit, justs sex. And anyone who is gong to that school from another school is not a virgin! The guys at Glick Middle are too afraid when all of these chicks are freakin horney! I havn't taken part in any of these events for I have a girlfriend, but she is just the polar opposite of chicks at Glick! She isn't horney, she doesn't want sex in any way, shape, or form, she freaks out when ever I say something perverted (and it doesnt have to be a big thing) but she wears skimpy clothes!! And she knows they piss me off! Not because I am not getting any, but because I don't know what her new school is like or what the guys are like. And the clothes she wears are very....provoking. Damn, and not to be concieted, or have an ego or anything but.... some of the chicks want me.
The Worst Feeling
Occasionally I will use my mother's XP name, on the computer, to update my blog. So she asked me the other day what "Bleed Black Ink" is, and I told her it is my blog. I post on here never expecting anyone I know to even think to even consider looking at it. I guess after I crashed, she go curious- because I rarey talk about it- and read "Reject Me". I think she is sad, but I don't know because the last time I can remember her being sad is when I was like eight, but I think she is sad. I didn't understand for a long time why she kept saying things about her and my blog. I never write anything about her. I figured it out ten minutes ago after my sister told me that my mother told her that she doesn't think I like her. Making my mother sad is the worst feeling I will ever have in my life. I just wish I could talk to her and let her know that I am gonna be alright and this is no ones fault but my own, but I can't talk to anyone. I just fee like crap. And now I realize..... I can't change it. If you are reading this Maytah. I'm sorry.
Who The Fuck Am I Kidding?
The way I feel about relationships is very negative. Whenever I ask a girl out, I always feel like it is the most pointless thing I will ever do. I see relationships as a tiny escape from reality. I ask a girl out with this in mind: "Why am I doing this? We are just going to break up in two weeks." So I knew when I asked out Jaycee that we are going to break up. I never know why my relationships will end, but I feel that I am destined to die alone without caring. I had false hope for a short amount of time with Jaycee. I said "This might actually work." Who the fuck am I kidding? Now she wants to break up with me. I know it. I just want to stay with her for a few simple reasons though. 1. I don't want her do do something she will regret for the rest of her life. I say that becasue she is easily minipulated. 2. Her life sucks. Her father, sisters, cousins, aunts uncles grandparents, everyone in her family looks down on her, and neither her, nor I, know why. 3. She is valuable and unique to me. 4. I have no one else. She is the only one who actually cares for me in any way shape or form. Oh well, what can ya do? 4 months. Thats how long we have been "going steady". And this is longest I have gone out with someone I like. Actually like. Ain't that a bitch?
Reject Me
Success! I have fixed my webpage, but I am trying to think of ways to kind of adverise it. Not in a stupid way. I just think it would be cool to have a shit load of people to see it. Suggestons would be appreciated. Anyhoot, aside from that, things have sucked. I know I am no dream child to my family, but is that really a reason to reject me? It pisses me off. Just because I am not my brother, who is always happy with yard work, or my sister, who always manages to get what she wants out of me, I am the fuck up. Well I am smart damnit. For what lack physically, and in being spoiled, I make up for in being sinister, and intelligent, and a push-over, and a waste of space. I'm sick of this shit. It would make the world a better place if I just met chrome to temple.
Some Poor Fuck
Those dickless peices of shit stole our stolen shopping carts. What the fuck kinda shit is that? My brother and I found these shopping carts down he street form our house- and they are fucking heavy- so we were gonna put them in the middle of the street at night, and take the weels off, so at like 1:30 in the morning some poor fuck was gonna have to figure out how to move a fucking 2000 pound shopping cart with no wheels. Man that shit would have been funny, untill this afernoon when I was on my way home, and the fucking carts were gone. Those mother fucker will pay... whoever they are.
Oh Your God
It has been a good day for this motherfucker. Aw man, I am sooooo fucking happy, its hard for me to believe. Two words... new Converse. Oh your god, I can't wear any other shoe. They look exactly the same as my old ones, but my old ones were fucked up beyond all reason. I don't mean to be a douche bag, but like no one has bothered to look at my web page. If you would like to see a picture of me, the adress is in my profile. Anyhoot, another thing that makes me feel good is two people at my current school, have been to one of my old schools. This stoner went to elem. with me, and this chick was at my last school with me. Well keep on signing my petition people. The adress is on my page, or you can look my previous post.
Special Thanks
Man this school is uber boring compared to my last school. I have nothing else to say. I am so tired from the 2 mile walk to and from school, PE, walking the dogs, and wearing black for all these things. Heh heh. BTW special thanks to Shez and Shadowlor for sticking up for me. I appreciate it. Anonymous can eat shit and die. Look at the link he put up though, just so you can see what the future looks like for us. All of us.
