The Worst Feeling
Occasionally I will use my mother's XP name, on the computer, to update my blog. So she asked me the other day what "Bleed Black Ink" is, and I told her it is my blog. I post on here never expecting anyone I know to even think to even consider looking at it. I guess after I crashed, she go curious- because I rarey talk about it- and read "Reject Me". I think she is sad, but I don't know because the last time I can remember her being sad is when I was like eight, but I think she is sad. I didn't understand for a long time why she kept saying things about her and my blog. I never write anything about her. I figured it out ten minutes ago after my sister told me that my mother told her that she doesn't think I like her. Making my mother sad is the worst feeling I will ever have in my life. I just wish I could talk to her and let her know that I am gonna be alright and this is no ones fault but my own, but I can't talk to anyone. I just fee like crap. And now I realize..... I can't change it. If you are reading this Maytah. I'm sorry.
posted by ShadeofDeath at 10:09 PM
8 Comments:
why can't I access your blog?
Yeah! What?! Okay!!
but you CAN change it, if only by talking to someone, not necessarily your mother. the feeling that you can't talk...just ignore that. yeah, i know it's hard, but i had to go through the same thing and it can be done. just...find someone, anyone (preferably someone you trust, or believe that you can trust) and just talk. when it's all said and done, you'll feel a bit better...and it will reflect into the way you act. dude, you're strong, go for it.
tell her that you don't hate her. do things around the house to help her, make her a card, something. there's a million things that can show that you love her. good luck, dude.
suddenly i find that i want to kill someone...such as the commenter above me. him i would like to kill. yes, that would be enjoyable.
i say talk to your mom. she probably upset that she cant relate to you like she does with your sister and brother. Sometimes a hug and a smile can do wonders... trust me... I am a mom.. you should pick a morning or night and actually sit down and talk. have you ever thought about that... like try hard (but be understanding if she don't understand)to show her what interest you. Come on.. you are a smart young man.. can attempt to hold a one on one convo with ya moms.. also she probably read the whole wanting to die thing.. no mom wants to hear that her child is contemplating death... that is sad as hell.. tell her what makes you sad, angry , happy, whatever... she needs to feel like she has some part in life besides just being a presence in the house.. include her in you life.. so how is school ?? and did your gurl friend break up with you ??? hmmm ??? take care ... thats my input and thats all that matters.
yeah, i ended up with the or something...
but you still never answered my question.. did you and your gurl break up...
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